Living Catholicism: Modesty and Catholic Girls

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June 1, 2007

Modesty and Catholic Girls

1 Timothy 2:9 . . . [W]omen should adorn themselves modestly and sensibly in seemly apparel, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly attire but by good deeds as befits women who profess religion.

Sex sells. And so in our age raising modest children - particularly girls - has become more difficult than ever. Even from a young age our children are bombarded with images that emphasize the need to be "sexy." Abercrombie & Fitch has made a business by polluting our children with this mentality that requires an adult sexuality in our children. So what is a good parent to do?

The Importance of Modesty
I have four young girls. And the oldest is just getting to the age where she notices these ads (she's probably a bit past that age, actually). At this point it's difficult to take a trip to the mall because of stores like Victoria's Secret which push sex on even the youngest passer-by. But modesty is important. I recently read Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Dr. Meg Meeker and she points out:

[Teaching modesty] can be an uphill fight. Television commercials about ecstasy-inducing shampoo might not seem like a big deal to you, but you need to remember that your seven-year-old daughter is learning that being "sexy" is very important. The messages stream at her fast and furious. As her awareness grows, so does the power of those messages to destroy her innocent sexuality. By the time she's a teenager, you'll be tempted, like most parents, to just throw up your hands and turn your head.

But as parents we know we can't. Modesty is a form of respect, both for yourself and for others. Girls who value themselves as more than sexual beings show modesty because they don't want to be seen as a sex object. However, peer pressure and outside influences can destroy their innate sense of modesty, so it is up to us as parents to teach our children that they are more than the way their bodies look. We should value them for who they are, not what they look like. How can you teach your children this?

Teaching Modesty
There are two qualities absolutely necessary to teaching modesty: patience and persistence. And teaching modesty begins at a young age, but it doesn't stop until they are in their 20's (yes, 20's - you're in it for the long haul). I can relate what our family does and the other information I've learned on teaching modesty, but each child is different, so take what works and add to it.

Needless to say, modesty begins with the parents. A mother who dresses modestly teaches her children without saying a word. And a father who treats other women (including their mother) as a worthwhile human being rather than a sexual object teaches them as well. What we do tends to matter far more than what we say

When children are young they should learn that certain parts of the body should be covered. Don't let them run around naked - I know personally how hard it can be to enforce that rule - and tell them why: "It's not appropriate to expose your body in this way." This doesn't make children ashamed of their bodies, but rather teaches them respect for private areas. And, perhaps the hardest part for parents, the media your children hear or watch should be edited. Personally, we choose not to listen to radio or watch regular television when our children are around. Even if they don't seem to be paying attention to the t.v., they retain far more than you expect. Wait until they are in bed to watch your shows and keep it "G" when they are around.

If your child sees or hears something inappropriate, take the time to explain why we should not act or dress in that way. It's worthwhile to stop for just a second and teach them.

As they get older I recommend setting ground rules that are not violated. Some of ours:

No two-piece bathing suits
Shorts and skirts come down close to the knee
Sleeveless shirts are inappropriate
No low-necked shirts (low v-necks, etc) or short shirts (that show tummy)

Because of their "friends" and the media, this is the most difficult part. Consistency and perseverance can pull you through. It's important to explain why to your children and to do it in a positive manner. This is pointed out by Dr. Meeker as well:

When battles do heat up, however, you have to kick into high gear. Don't be mean, loud, or aggressive. Kindness and strength in your beliefs work better. When your sixteen-year-old bounces into the kitchen with a bikini barely covering her large breasts and pubic area, smile and tell her that it's a gorgeous color, but the suit is too scant for her beautiful body. Tell her she needs to find a more modest suit that won't make other girls feel jealous. When she's twenty-five, she'll thank you.

Modesty is a long-term commitment
Teaching modesty to your children is not a one-time discussion. It is a commitment that spans their entire childhood. You have to decide that it is important and teach them, day in and day out, to respect themselves and others. I hope these suggestions help. And I do highly recommend Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters for dads (great Father's Day gift).

God bless,
Jay

Posted by jay at June 1, 2007 9:12 AM