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April 6, 2005
Human Regret
Over the next three weeks, Joseph (the other guy on this blog) and I will be speaking to Catholic youth groups on the topic of apologetics (please pray for us that the sessions go well and we make a difference in the lives of these kids). While thinking through this I began to ask myself, what is it I wish someone had told me when I was in my mid- to late- teens? I think the answer for me is intensely personal and based on my own life: regret.
Looking back, I would say there are three big regrets in my life that I would caution my children against. Obviously this experience would be very different for each individual, but perhaps my views can help another who is just working out the realities of his life.
My first, and my primary, regret is that I could not give my wife my virginity. As an immature kid with hormones raging, you often don’t take the time to reflect on the gift you give someone in your sexuality. Virginity is exceedingly rare; once given, it can never be recaptured again. In other words, it is an exclusive gift that can be given to only one person ever. Even though you may think that you are with that person now, until the vows of marriage are spoken, you will never know. And if you give the gift away before marriage, you will regret it on your wedding night – and everyday after that. It is not a regret that will drift away over time and the sadness of foolishly allowing this great gift to go to another can’t be wiped away like so many tears. Keep your virginity for your spouse, it will mean more to her than to any other.
My second regret, which goes specifically back to those teenage years, is that I didn’t develop proper habits during that time. These years you have something that you’ll never have again: an abundance of time. This is the opportunity to instill habits that will benefit you for the rest of your life. In particular, praying the rosary daily, finding time for spiritual reading, or even working the Angelus into your life can develop a lifelong pattern that will color every part of your world. These traits also help you to not slip down the wrong path when off at college or in those years just after college. Avoiding this regret requires a certain strength of will that I’m not sure I had during those years; it also requires a seriousness in your faith that many kids don’t develop until much later. So my guess is that parents would be the ones to work this type of habitual spirituality into the lives of their children (ask Joseph about his childhood for examples).
My third and final big regret is one I think many can relate to: I wish I had been a more faithful Christian as a teenager. I know a person pretty well who I don’t believe has ever committed a mortal sin. Think about that for a second . . . how many American adults can say that? I know the argument could be made that without the proper informed conscience/knowledge it’s difficult to commit a mortal sin, but I still wish desperately that I could say this. My life, particularly in college, was a plethora of sin. I held the hand of the devil, so to speak, and I can clearly remember that the words of a Pink Floyd (believe it or not) song resonated very strongly for me (I understand the lyrics are out of context):
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain, you would not understand
This is not how I am
I have become comfortably numb
- - Pink Floyd Comfortably Numb
I felt like someone on a vacation from reality – I knew that I believed in the Christian God, however I lived like an atheist thinking that I could change in the future. I ignored potential ramifications of my actions, especially the notion that my sin affected others in ways I could not imagine. I wonder how my life would be different if I had been faithful; and I regret not being so.
In the end, I think it comes down to perspective. It is difficult for a teenager to comprehend the short nature of our lives on earth and understand the seriousness of faith as well as its centrality to our lives. Faith is not something easily ignored now and then added, like a new couch, later in life. Faith must be lived now that it can grow in the future.
God has forgiven me for these sins, but perhaps another won’t need to be forgiven . . . and will have no reason to regret.
God bless,
Jay
Posted by jay at April 6, 2005 2:27 PM
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Comments
I found this to be a very honest and moving article and (unfortunately) I can relate to it all too well. I find I am lucky to begin changing my ways at 17, but all the same, I wish I did not have to. Does anyone really think there is a way to explain the consequences of immorality to today's headstrong teenager? Especially the depth of the feeling of regret?
Posted by: Marie at August 16, 2005 1:07 AM
