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March 26, 2005
Denial of Deathbed Communion (or Teach your kids to choose a Spouse)
The news has just broken that Michael Schiavo is denying Terri Schiavo (his dying wife) her final communion this Easter weekend. This is the type of news that really breaks my heart for Michael as well as for Terri. To say this is a man who completely misunderstands God would be an inadequate understatement. He misunderstands virtually everything about human existence.
I think the one message that this entire incident has burned into my mind and heart is the need to actively teach your children about selecting a spouse. I have four girls and when they select a husband, he will have much influence in their lives and may have the power to deny them food and water one day. Their choice of a spouse will be one of the biggest decisions of their lives and will certainly affect everything from that point forward.
I think our children should know a few things. First, they must understand that a good spouse puts God above everything, even them. A good spouse will confront them when they commit sin and encourage them to be more holy. A good spouse will never hurt them, not only because of love, but also because the spouse understands that God is in control and the choice is up to God. In the end, a good spouse is actually more holy and religious than you are. Second, a good spouse doesn’t want sex before marriage, since that person will also be saving themselves for their marriage partner. Third, a good spouse understands not on the significance of marriage, but the permanence of it. Divorce is never an option and never will be. And a good spouse is someone you see as a great parent – a loving, responsible parent of your future children (needless to say, a good spouse thinks of children as a blessing, not something to be controlled). Finally, our children must understand that they cannot marry hoping the other person will change. Marriage may mature their choice, but it will not fundamentally change the person – it requires much more than this. So, they should only choose a partner who is almost perfect – someone they can’t imagine living their lives without.
Through their parents, children learn how to act in marriage. They develop future habits through their adolescent lives in their parent’s home. Thus, we must be careful to exemplify the parents we want our children to grow into. And we must explain to children from a young age what it is they should look for in a good spouse. We spend so much time teaching them how to manage money or choose a career, yet one of their biggest decisions is choosing a spouse and we often say nothing about it.
Terri Schiavo is our wake-up call: teach your kids what to look for in a future spouse. I don’t think the lesson could be any clearer. And I’ll accept the challenge for my kids.
God bless,
Jay
UPDATE: Michael Schiavo did eventually agree to allow Terri to receive last rites, thank God. But he is still starving her to death, so prayers are needed.
Posted by jay at March 26, 2005 09:28 PM
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Comments
Jay,
I just stumbled onto this, and think it's right on! I am blessed in that I did not pay too much attention to certain things, but my husband and I talked about all kinds of topics that most couples our age thought were odd. We discussed children, corporal punishment, education, religion, and all kinds of things we'd need to know before we got married. The only thing that bothered me was that my fiance was ahtiest, and I had the attitude that he'd "come around" (after all, he was raised in a Christian home). He DID come around, and is very close to converting to Catholicism, but I knew when we were dating that he'd be a wonderful father to our future children.
These are lessons that somehow missed some other people I know, who married expecting that the things that were not so great would change after marriage. Not only is this wrong, but it's inherently unfair to your spouse.
I heard someone once say that you need to be careful who you date because you can't help who you'll fall in love with. Consequently, our daughters will only date Christians (who are, hopefully and preferably, Catholics). Just keeping within one faith construct with save much heartache after marriage!
Posted by: Christine at May 26, 2005 02:38 PM
